Southside of Chicago Destroyed By Dirt And Debris As Thousand Spin Out Of Their Graves

Oaklawn, Illinois

soxgraveA horrifying epidemic of corpses spinning out of their graves spontaneously occurred on Chicago’s southside at exactly 9:46 PM Saturday night. Starting in Bridgeport, the earthly remains of thousands of deceased White Sox fans whirled their way out of their caskets and covered all neighborhoods south of Cermak Avenue with swaths of muck, mud, dreck and foul feculence. The macabre rain of rottenness spread to the city’s south suburbs and was especially devastating in Bedford Park, Bridgeview, Burbank, Chicago Ridge, Evergreen Park, Forest View Hickory Hills and Palos Heights,

This ghastly disaster have even the most experienced and veteran firefighters bewildered.

“We never prepared for anything like this. Let’s face it, no one thought this could ever happen”, Blue Island Fire Chief Alojzy Jablonsky exclaimed.

Thankfully, officials are convinced this will never happen again.