Chicago Bears Sign Jay Cutler To Seven Year Contract, Only Gives His Condescending Smirk Three
In a Thursday morning press conference, the Chicago Bears announced that Jay Cutler will not be testing free agency and has been signed to a seven year...
Santa Disregards Parking Payboxes, Owes Chicago $123,890.98
The Chicago Department of Revenue confirmed Thursday that Santa Claus racked up almost 2500 parking violations between 12:45 AM and 1:47 AM on Christmas Day....
Mrs. Superdawg Files For Divorce From Mr. Superdawg, Calls Him A Self Absorbed Poser
After years of speculation and rumors, Mrs. Superdawg filed for divorce from Mr. Superdawg on Tuesday. With the enormous weiner’s alleged reports of...
Michael Jordan Loses $3.2 Million Playing Dreidel In Vegas
Anonymous sources in Las Vegas are reporting that Chicago Bulls great, Michael Jordan lost over $3 million playing dreidel at the Bellagio Hotel this past...
The Color Orange Sues Mike Ditka Over Copyright Infringement
In a suit filed Wednesday morning, the color Orange has issued claim that former Chicago Bears player and coach, Mike Ditka has willfully and knowingly used...
Jan 1: Chicago Sun-Times Will Require Subscribers To Supply Trees
Jim Kirk, publisher and editor of The Chicago Sun-Times, announced late Saturday that all daily subscribers will be required to supply their own trees starting...
Fox News Reports: Pardoned Turkey Has Ties To Muslim Brotherhood
ox News reported last night that the turkey President Obama pardoned last week has “significant ties” to the Muslim Brotherhood. Citing anonymous...
Illinois Governor Quinn Can’t Stop Speaking In Cockney Accent, Freaking Staff Out
In a revelation that has many scratching their heads, Illinois Governor Quinn admits that since last Thursday, he’s been speaking in a Cockney accent. In...
Derrick Rose answers telephone, head comes off
In a bizarre incident, Derrick Rose was decapitated while answering his home phone Saturday evening. Sources say Dominos Pizza was calling back to verify a...
